EDITOR'S NOTE: Just so you know, I realize that, in the category of gross over-generalizations, that this is definitely one. However, since it is my blog, I am ok with that ...
So I was sitting at my 7-year-olds machine pitch baseball game last night and had an epiphany. This epiphany came after two things happened:
1) Ryan hit a ball that resulted in a 2-run home run, his first one ever. This home run did include some "errors" on the other team's part, but it was a home run for Ryan never the less.
2) A dad next to me of one of our players gets a phone call and he says, "I don't know what the score is ... you know I never keep score."
I was appalled. I not only knew the score but the number of outs, the count on the pitches and that we were winning 4-1 (which ended up being the final score).
So I came to the conclusion that there are two types of people in the world: those who keep score and those who don't. I am obviously the type who does keep score. I always have in everything When my kids were barely 3 and playing in the YMCA soccer league where they don't keep score at all, I always did. I always knew who won and how many goals each kid had scored.
I also keep score in a weird way when I play coed indoor soccer. You see, much to my disappointment, women's goals in coed soccer are worth two points. So I keep score of actual goals, not points on the board, to determine if we actually won or not.
Needless to say, I am pretty ding dang competitive. I don't understand the logic of those of you out there who don't keep score. I mean, how can you NOT care about winning or losing? My brain just won't go there.
Unfortunately, this applies to other areas of my life to in some not-so-flattering ways. I am definitely a person who offers forgiveness to people and not hold grudges*. That asterisk means that I am like that after the apology. If someone owns up to a mistake or admits they were wrong or says they are sorry, I totally forget the error of their ways. But unfortunately for me, it is not easy for me to forgive them otherwise.
One of my best friends brought this to my attention again yesterday. She is totally right. And I know it. And I am working on it. How sad is it that I am this way? I know that I am only hurting myself, but alas, I continue on.
Now I have managed to get past this in some cases, but usually it has taken me years to get to that point. Also very sad. For me. I keep score to my detriment. I know that I should follow the Bible's guidelines on forgiveness. In Matthew 18:21-22 it says, "Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!"
So here I go working on not keeping score. Here I go working on forgiving without a request. Here I go not holding a grudge or remembering the wrongs in my life done to me by those who never said they are sorry.
But I will keep score in little league. There are some things a mom just has to do! ;-)
So I was sitting at my 7-year-olds machine pitch baseball game last night and had an epiphany. This epiphany came after two things happened:
1) Ryan hit a ball that resulted in a 2-run home run, his first one ever. This home run did include some "errors" on the other team's part, but it was a home run for Ryan never the less.
2) A dad next to me of one of our players gets a phone call and he says, "I don't know what the score is ... you know I never keep score."
I was appalled. I not only knew the score but the number of outs, the count on the pitches and that we were winning 4-1 (which ended up being the final score).
So I came to the conclusion that there are two types of people in the world: those who keep score and those who don't. I am obviously the type who does keep score. I always have in everything When my kids were barely 3 and playing in the YMCA soccer league where they don't keep score at all, I always did. I always knew who won and how many goals each kid had scored.
I also keep score in a weird way when I play coed indoor soccer. You see, much to my disappointment, women's goals in coed soccer are worth two points. So I keep score of actual goals, not points on the board, to determine if we actually won or not.
Needless to say, I am pretty ding dang competitive. I don't understand the logic of those of you out there who don't keep score. I mean, how can you NOT care about winning or losing? My brain just won't go there.
Unfortunately, this applies to other areas of my life to in some not-so-flattering ways. I am definitely a person who offers forgiveness to people and not hold grudges*. That asterisk means that I am like that after the apology. If someone owns up to a mistake or admits they were wrong or says they are sorry, I totally forget the error of their ways. But unfortunately for me, it is not easy for me to forgive them otherwise.
One of my best friends brought this to my attention again yesterday. She is totally right. And I know it. And I am working on it. How sad is it that I am this way? I know that I am only hurting myself, but alas, I continue on.
Now I have managed to get past this in some cases, but usually it has taken me years to get to that point. Also very sad. For me. I keep score to my detriment. I know that I should follow the Bible's guidelines on forgiveness. In Matthew 18:21-22 it says, "Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!"
So here I go working on not keeping score. Here I go working on forgiving without a request. Here I go not holding a grudge or remembering the wrongs in my life done to me by those who never said they are sorry.
But I will keep score in little league. There are some things a mom just has to do! ;-)
Great post, Michelle! I, too, have to work on the 'not keeping score' thing. Even after I forgive, I have trouble trusting again, because I can't seem to forget. So, I continue to work on the whole giving grace as it is given. I am a work in progress, for sure!!
ReplyDeleteMichelle, good perspective on how America's score-keeping effects our life.
ReplyDeleteYou are probably not surprised to learn that I don't keep score, ever. I know that there is an eternal score keeper and that I don't measure up so well. So out of self-preservation I gave up score-keeping because of humility that God has forced upon me.
And as far as forgiving people who don't ask for forgiveness, I am convinced there are hundreds of things that I have done to disappoint and offend people that I am completely unaware of, or I am helpless at this stage in my life to fix. When my little boy was 2 he bit the stink out of me on Mother's day. He has yet to ask me to forgive him and he is 13. Of course I forgave him because he was only 2 when he did it.
The bible tells the stronger Christian to yield and give grace to the weaker one. Much of what offends us and hurts us by others is that they are not mature enough to be expected to do what we would like.
Regarding the score-keeping, when I compare myself to others, I can sometimes hold my own, and even feel a little special in my accomplishments.
But so what! Those I'm comparing myself to, are just mere mortals who will be "worm food" within just a few decades.
When I compare myself to God's holiness, I'm kidding myself if I think that the points are anywhere in my favor. No matter how often or how frequent I tally the score, the sum total ends up the same: Mary's effort equals a broken, failing, looser. Given the inevitable conclusion, why keep adding the score, or keep track of it?
And why prove a point with my peers here on earth, that somehow I've done better or scored more in a few unimportant and meaningless areas? For a Christian this seems like a narcissistic exercise to establish in someway that I am more special than they are. I have learned to trust that God's defines what makes me his handiwork, not a score-board, or accounting sheet balance, or billable hours.
When it comes to my unique contribution to mankind and to God, I am fully and completely over in the mercy (no score keeping), not law (score keeping), camp. Keeping score just distracts me from the work the Holy Spirit is doing in my life to really amp up my game, and refine me. If the score is high, I am deluded into false senses of success, if the score is low, I become overly critical of myself, fear failing, and avoid the challenge presented to me.
The only competition for Christians is to finish the race. We are not called to finish first, or fastest, but just to finish. When I ran the 2 mile run in High school, I was very slow. My only job was to finish because my basketball coach made us run track to play basketball. I was so embarrassed that I came in last in most of the meets, and I would have quit if it wouldn't have kept me from playing basketball. But now that I look at it as an adult, I'm so satisfied that I finished all those races that I lost.
If I only run the races that I can win, then I am completely useless. I'm called to run a race, just to finish, and to proclaim at the finish line that Jesus is my victor, and he is my redeemer of all my lost time, lost points and errors in my life.
The only score that matters to me is Jesus wins, Satan looses.
Dear Michelle, I am sorry for anything I have done to hurt you in the past! Even though this apology is pretty vague, if there IS anything, I sincerely hope you will forgive me! :)
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, keeping score can be useful when you desire personal improvement and it's something measurable. Otherwise... well... team sports kinda creep me out and that's my own issue. Probably was never good enough at any of them to want to count wins. :)
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read something of yours I feel you have been reading my heart let alone my mind. It is wonderful and it also hurts because I am so failing at this forgiveness thing. I can see it harming my family and myself and desperately need to give it to god. I feel powerless to let go of it. Your words do give me strength and reassurance that I am not alone with this issue.