It's Not About Us

You probably have read recently about the fund raiser my friends and I are doing to raise money for the United Way of Norman. It is called, "Confections for a Cause." We are baking treats and selling them. Every penny of what we collect will go straight to the United Way of Norman.

We have been sending e-mails and Facebook mails, we have been putting it as our status updates and we have even created a Facebook page. When I looked today, we actually have 69 fans!

Our Web site, created by the awesome Jackie Lindley, has reached far beyond the scope of people that we know in our community. We are getting orders from people in the metro area from all sorts of places and walks of life. They are going to www.confectionsforacause.com and ordering.

My first goal was to raise $500, which we did in about 36 hours. So we bumped our goal to $1,000, which we reached yesterday. We are increasing our goal now to $1,500, and I hope we have to increase it again!

We had one business (Creative Video Works) like our idea so much that they bought one of everything AND sent us a $50 donation to help cover our supplies. We are getting extremely positive feedback everywhere we turn, whether we know a person or not. People love this idea, a grass-roots effort to do something for our community.

The Norman Transcript wrote a front-page story about our fund raiser and today has followed with an editorial encouraging people to support the United Way through Confections for a Cause.

All in all, our little fund raiser is receiving lots of attention, and I am glad because more people will be able to give to the United Way through what we are doing.

But I want to remind everyone, this fund raiser is not about us. It is not even about the fund raiser. It is about helping people who really need help. People who have lost their jobs, people who have no home, people who don't know where their next meal is coming from.

This fund raiser is about people who, maybe for the first time in their lives, are being forced to ask for help from their own community. I know that asking for help is hard. Our family has been blessed up to this point to not need the help. But just like almost every family in Norman, we are one accident, one layoff, one serious illness, one paycheck away from needing help.

I will never forget the look on most people's faces when the Red Cross came to help them usually on the worst day of their lives. They usually had lost their home and everything in it to fire, flood or storm. Their thanks were always enough to keep me and the volunteers motivated to keep helping at all hours of the night, in all places rural or suburban.

So, my point in this post today is two-fold: to remind us all that this fund raiser is about the people who we are helping. And two, it is to act as a thank you to each of you who have given to the United Way, whether through our fund raiser or through another way. Thank you for helping. I know how tight money is for everyone right now. But your gift will make a difference in someone's life. And that someone might be someone you know or love. And someday, it might even be you.

It's not too late to give. It's not too late to help. It's not too late to change a life today.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Matthew 22:36-39

Freedom to be Thankful

I thought that in honor of Veteran's Day, I would list some of the freedoms I am thankful for. I would encourage you to add your own in the comment section. Here are just a few of the freedoms I am thankful for this Veteran's Day 2009.

The freedom to worship Christ my Lord without fear of persecution.

The freedom to have as many or as few children as I am able.

The freedom to write about things that are on my mind and the freedom of the press to report the truth.

The freedom to live in the town, city and state of my choosing, and the opportunity to buy a home of my choosing.

The freedom to choose whether to send my children to public or private schools, and the freedom in the public schools to receive a top-notch education without a political agenda being shoved down their throats.

The freedom to say the Pledge of Allegiance in that public school and the opportunity to include, "One Nation, Under God."

The freedom to choose what I want to do for a living and the opportunity to receive a higher education so I can follow my dreams.

The freedom to talk to my friends and family whenever I want because our technology is not limited by the government.

The freedom to have too many choices in just about every area of my life.

Please Don't Let Chivalry Be Dead

So I was reading this column on the CNN Web site today titled, "Chivalrous Moves That Creep Us Out." Before reading the column, I wondered what they could be. Maybe pre-chewing someone else's gum? Calling 50 times a day? I couldn't imagine what they might be that would warrant an article.

I have to say that I am very disappointed about the eight so-called creepy items on the list. And I say this because, I am praying that chivalry is not dead. In fact, as a mother of two young boys, I have been doing my best to teach my children to practice chivalry and politeness all the time.

By teaching my sons how to open doors for people, let ladies go first, by serving others and helping clear the table, etc., I am hoping to ingrain in them a sense of chivalry so that they will become polite, responsible gentlemen who will treat women with respect.

On my first unofficial date with my husband back in the 90s, while I was bagging on his early 80s model Datsun B210, he was politely opening the door for me to step inside. He probably won me over in that very moment. He treated me with respect, even as I was disrespecting his ride. What a nice guy.

Part of the argument that this column writer suggested was that a woman should be empowered. I would never argue that matter. But there is a huge difference between removing a woman's power and respecting who she is.

So here is the list of chivalrous things that creep out this column writer and why I don't think they are creepy.

1. Ordering my meal for me. This has always struck me as bizarro, because chances are you don't know what I want. The only time this is cool is if I have no idea how to pronounce something and you do.

What is so wrong with a man ordering for a woman? I might take issue if he didn't ask what I wanted first, but I think he is saving us a step by asking us (since most people have the conversation of, "So, what are you going to order?" before actually ordering). Also, if the man is paying, then it is a way of proving his willingness to buy your dinner. My husband has done this for me before, but we usually don't do this now. However, I almost always order for our family when we are at a drive in since it is just more simple that way. I don't think my husband finds it offensive at all. In fact, I think he would say he appreciates not having to do it.


2. Letting me win at a game of Scrabble/pool/bowling when you are clearly better. No fun! Please give it your best shot. I want the satisfaction of really beating you.

As a highly competitive person, I will say this is the only one that I might agree with. But, letting a woman win isn't what I would consider creepy. I think something more chivalrous might be is if you see that the woman is terrible at whatever it is you are doing, suggest you might do something else. Or show her how to do it, if she asks.

3. Using a code term for going to the bathroom. Especially retro words like "tinkle." You can just say, "I'll be back in a minute." I'll get it.

Does this have anything to do with chivalry? And I do think it is just polite to excuse yourself from a date or dinner or even a conversation if nature calls. Who does this? I have never heard a guy say he is going "tinkle" unless he might be 3 years old.

4. Pulling out my chair. Someone told me this tradition started when women wore loads of crinolines and, thus, scooting in your chair was difficult. That's no longer the case. It just makes me nervous that you won't push it in at the right moment and I'll land on the ground with a thud.

This one I have a beef with. There is nothing creepy about pulling out a chair for a woman. It is respectful. It also allows the woman to be seated first. It is a sign that a man is respecting and helping the woman however he can. Of course a woman can do this herself! No one would argue that. But the respectful thing to do is at least offer to help her be seated. My husband will still do this occasionally, especially if we are on a date, and I appreciate it every time.

5. Carrying my purse. Yeah, it's heavy, but I'm pretty used to it at this point. You carrying it just looks funny. I have enough of a hard time with murses.

Well, while I wouldn't consider a man carrying my purse creepy, I would consider it odd that a woman would ask a man to do this. Unless there is a very good reason (and I can't think of one at the moment) men should have to do this. However, it is nice for a man to carry other things for a woman. Grocery bags, heavy items, books, lawn chairs, ice chests, etc. all would fit into this category. And although I know we can do it ourselves, why would you turn down this help?

6. Asking my dad for my hand in marriage. So outdated. Pops just shouldn't be involved in our relationship. No one should know you want to marry them before they do.

This is the one I have the hardest time with. Why shouldn't your dad be involved in this relationship? While I know it is the right thing to do to leave your parents and cleave to your husband, I think it is a great show of respect for a woman's parents and family when a man asks permission to marry her. Anymore, when someone gets married, they are marrying much more than a person, but an entire family. If the relationship is healthy and appropriate, I would think that a father would love to have the opportunity to provide his blessing on a marriage of his daughter. I know there are obvious exceptions to this, including remarriage, the age of the people marrying and even strained relationships. But if a relationship with the soon-to-be in-laws is a good one, why not show this respect? I love the fact that my husband asked permission from my father. And he did it without me knowing it so the proposal would be a surprise. It made it all the more special to know that he cared enough to talk to my parents beforehand.

7. If you're paying for dinner, not letting me put in for tip. Or get a round of drinks after. If I offer, it's because I want to. I swear.

Well, back in my day, no one offered to pay the tip or the round of drinks. But I can't be opposed to the offer. Politely declining is one thing but being offended by a woman's offer is inappropriate. But is this creepy? I don't think so ...

8. Helping me put me coat on. This is sweet, but it's always awkward because my hand misses the sleeve or gets stuck somewhere in there. It's easier to just do it on my own.

Why in the world is this creepy? I love to have people help me put on a coat. It does not show a sign of inferiority. I know I can put on my coat. But offering to help someone out in an awkward situation should not be considered creepy. It is respectful and helpful, just as it would be if I offered to help a man out with his coat, especially if he was stuck. Let's face it, depending on how many layers a person is wearing, putting on a coat can be as tough as raking the leaves on a windy day.

So there are my thoughts. I am excited to read yours. Please post comments on this one ...