I have really been dreading today, my 35th birthday. The dread has been about a lot of things, including my gray hairs, me memory loss, my stage in life and other things, too.
I looked in the rear view mirror this week for a quick make-up check and saw four renegade white hairs growing in. They were sticking straight up. I fought the urge to pluck them and instead tried my best to make them lay flat.
My memory is slipping. I know my brain is on overload, but I am being uncharacteristically absent minded. I locked my keys in the car this week. Twice. I have locked my keys in my car maybe 5 times in my entire life, twice of which were this week.
I am in that awkward life stage of kids being little but being in school. And since I am finishing my degree I don't have a full-time job (although it feels like I do most days). So I feel sort of in between.
But the real reason I have been dreading this day is because it is the first anniversary of the beginning of a chain of events that has changed many, many parts of my life. As I was praying about it this morning, God reminded me that even though much of this last year has been painful, it is exactly where He wants me to be.
There is nothing coincidental about how different my life is today than it was a year ago. A year ago today, I served my church in a major leadership role, was active in Bible study, led a small group and had no intention of changing my path. I was comfortable. And as I know all too well, comfortable is not a place to be to grow closer to God.
So as a result, God shook up my world. A few months before my birthday last year, I felt like God was slowly pulling my out of things and asking me to unbusy myself. And to trust Him. I started slowing down, but still was very involved in my church. Through an unforeseeable circumstance, God pulled me away from that, too. I never would have walked away from that on my own, so He had to pull. And it really, really, really hurt.
I spent about the next four months in a crisis. Everything I knew about my life changed. My identity that I had affiliated myself with for long was gone. Bible study was over. School was out, and I didn't have a church home anymore. I felt lost and empty and far from God. I couldn't understand why God would allow all of my ground to fall away from underneath me.
One afternoon in July, as I was sitting right here at my computer, I had my head in my hands. I felt so confused and alone and even a little angry. That's when God let me in on something. He reminded me that if there was anyone to be angry at, it was Him. He had allowed the chain of events to unfold the way they did. I couldn't argue and I knew I needed to forgive.
He also reminded me of the call He had given me years before, that I had ignored for a long time. The call was to be a counselor. I had started a Master's degree program in 2002 to be a counselor, but life got in the way. I only took one class before a quit the program. The next 8 years have been filled with kids and jobs and church. Although God had been quietly been reminding me of His call on my life all along, I always had an excuse. I was too busy. My kids were too small. My church needed me somewhere else. It cost too much money.
Suddenly, all my excuses were gone. My kids were both going to be in school. I was no longer super busy. I had no full-time job. And not only did my church not need me (and I know the church never really needed me), I didn't even have a church.
I immediately got online and looked up the program I had started in 2002. I made some phone calls and realized that even though it was late July, it was possible for me to start the program in August.
From there, one door after another flew open. The same day I applied to graduate school, I got admitted. The same day I applied to the program, I was accepted. And my parents offered to pay for my schooling, something I could not have afforded to do on my own. On top of that, there were openings in two classes. I started class at the end of August. I was going to be a counselor.
God knew He would have to clear my plate entirely for me to follow the call He had on my life. Although I would never have chosen this year to go the way it did, I can clearly see the purpose behind why it happened. It is so clear to me now that this was the plan all along.
This year has been a blur. Every single door has opened for me in major ways. I got the internship of my dreams, when I was told that someone in my program could never get this internship. My internship has confirmed that school counseling is my calling and where I should be.
When I realized two weeks ago that I needed to graduate this July instead of December, every door has opened. Deadlines I missed were waved. My class from 2002 was revalidated. I got in to classes I had to have. And my family has been nothing but supportive. I am going to graduate with a Master's Degree in Human Relations in one year, and hopefully I will pass my alternate certification test in April and get hired somewhere as a school counselor next year.
A year ago, graduate school was not even on my radar. Today, I have four months until I graduate.
I have decided to choose to see today as a reminder of the way God can move in my life and open doors for me, even when I am reluctant to walk through. I know he will nudge me along when I need the help.
I can say with confidence now, that I wouldn't change the last year. Although we are still looking for a church and are still recovering from the hurt, God has shown me this year who my true friends are, who He is, and who He wants me to be. You can't really ask for more than that.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
A Matter of Perspective
I am traveling up and down a steep learning curve right now. I am learning how to be a school counselor. I am currently serving an internship three days a week at a Norman middle school and an elementary school by splitting my time between the two. I have some of the best counselors in Norman mentoring me and guiding me.
I have learned all sorts of interesting things during my internship, including: how to perform a successful lunch duty, the importance of updating bulletin boards, how to handle a lockdown when you are in the middle of teaching a lesson to kindergartners, that unattended food in the break room is fair game, that kids mostly don't care if your door is shut - they try to come in anyway, that while some things have changed since I was a kid the general feeling of angst you get in middle school is still the same, that test monitoring is a pretty basic job, that kids in every grade, in every school and in every classroom need a counselor once in a while, and that counseling students takes a lot of reading between the lines.
My biggest lessons that I have learned so far, however are really not so much about counseling as much as they are about myself. First, my suspicion that I would really love school counseling has been confirmed. I do love it. I love the kids, I love the things the counselors get to do and I love helping people. This has come as no surprise to me.
I have also learned that I really love and look forward to my internship. It feels like a gift that I get to open when I go to my internship each time. I really love it.
I have learned that even the really, really hard days - the ones where students reveal painful things and are learning painful lessons - even those days are rewarding.
I have learned that even the kids who pretend like they are too cool to have you hug them sometimes love it when you put your arm around their shoulder. Most times, they even lean in their head for a real hug.
And most importantly, what I have learned is some perspective on my own life. As crazy as my life feels right now while I am trying to squeeze in 15 hours of graduate hours and comps into the next four months while teaching two classes at OU, doing my internship three full days a week and being a wife and a mother, is that my life is really pretty easy.
Some of the kids I have come into contact with are facing challenges that have never even come across my radar. I talked to my 8-year-old son about this last night. I wanted him to realize that not everyone has a life like his. I wanted him to know while there are real frustrations about being 8 and being a student and playing sports, that these frustrations are so different than some kids' frustrations.
My boys have a house that is warm when it's cold and cool when it's hot. They always have food to eat and a bed to sleep in. When they think of drugs, they think about Tylenol and antibiotics, not weed and crack. Their weekends are filled with sports and friends and resting and games and birthday parties; Their weekends thankfully do not include violence, loneliness and hunger. Their clothes may not be the fanciest and trendiest, but they are clean and neat and they fit.
Our family has been so blessed with so many gifts, I feel overwhelmed and humbled. Our house is not huge or in the nicest neighborhood, but it is all that we could ever need. Our cars are not the newest or nicest, but they get us where we need to go. We are careful budgeters with little wiggle room, but there is always just enough to pay our bills.
It is clear to me now why God has called me to be a school counselor. First, He wants me to see my many blessings and be thankful. But most importantly, He wants me to shine a light for other kids who do not have as many advantages as I have been given. He wants me to love them and help them and learn from them.
I am thanking God this morning for the lessons He is teaching me as I am in school this semester, and look forward to all that I will learn when I hopefully get a job as a school counselor some day.
I have learned all sorts of interesting things during my internship, including: how to perform a successful lunch duty, the importance of updating bulletin boards, how to handle a lockdown when you are in the middle of teaching a lesson to kindergartners, that unattended food in the break room is fair game, that kids mostly don't care if your door is shut - they try to come in anyway, that while some things have changed since I was a kid the general feeling of angst you get in middle school is still the same, that test monitoring is a pretty basic job, that kids in every grade, in every school and in every classroom need a counselor once in a while, and that counseling students takes a lot of reading between the lines.
My biggest lessons that I have learned so far, however are really not so much about counseling as much as they are about myself. First, my suspicion that I would really love school counseling has been confirmed. I do love it. I love the kids, I love the things the counselors get to do and I love helping people. This has come as no surprise to me.
I have also learned that I really love and look forward to my internship. It feels like a gift that I get to open when I go to my internship each time. I really love it.
I have learned that even the really, really hard days - the ones where students reveal painful things and are learning painful lessons - even those days are rewarding.
I have learned that even the kids who pretend like they are too cool to have you hug them sometimes love it when you put your arm around their shoulder. Most times, they even lean in their head for a real hug.
And most importantly, what I have learned is some perspective on my own life. As crazy as my life feels right now while I am trying to squeeze in 15 hours of graduate hours and comps into the next four months while teaching two classes at OU, doing my internship three full days a week and being a wife and a mother, is that my life is really pretty easy.
Some of the kids I have come into contact with are facing challenges that have never even come across my radar. I talked to my 8-year-old son about this last night. I wanted him to realize that not everyone has a life like his. I wanted him to know while there are real frustrations about being 8 and being a student and playing sports, that these frustrations are so different than some kids' frustrations.
My boys have a house that is warm when it's cold and cool when it's hot. They always have food to eat and a bed to sleep in. When they think of drugs, they think about Tylenol and antibiotics, not weed and crack. Their weekends are filled with sports and friends and resting and games and birthday parties; Their weekends thankfully do not include violence, loneliness and hunger. Their clothes may not be the fanciest and trendiest, but they are clean and neat and they fit.
Our family has been so blessed with so many gifts, I feel overwhelmed and humbled. Our house is not huge or in the nicest neighborhood, but it is all that we could ever need. Our cars are not the newest or nicest, but they get us where we need to go. We are careful budgeters with little wiggle room, but there is always just enough to pay our bills.
It is clear to me now why God has called me to be a school counselor. First, He wants me to see my many blessings and be thankful. But most importantly, He wants me to shine a light for other kids who do not have as many advantages as I have been given. He wants me to love them and help them and learn from them.
I am thanking God this morning for the lessons He is teaching me as I am in school this semester, and look forward to all that I will learn when I hopefully get a job as a school counselor some day.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Risen Life
There is this new show on MTV called "The Buried Life". It's about these four early-twenty-something men who are touring the U.S. fulfilling 100 wishes they have on a list of things to do before they die. Some of those things include helping deliver a baby, asking out the woman of your dreams, give a toast at a strangers wedding and other risky but humorous things.
While they are on the road, they also look for a person in each town to help fulfill something on their list of things to do before they die. For one man, it was reuniting him with an adult son he hadn't seen since he was a baby. For one woman it was fly her to another state so she could visit her mother's grave. For one school it was to buy them computers.
I am fascinated by this show. The men are hysterical and uninhibited, which makes for good TV. But I think my real interest is in that they have set out to accomplish things on their "Bucket Lists."
This show has caused me to ponder my list of what I want to do before I die. Initially, I didn't think there was a lot on my list. I have led a very blessed life and been afforded many possibilities, many more than the average girl, it seems. I try not to live a life of regrets and follow my heart whenever possible and sometimes even when impractical.
I am currently in the middle of a wonderful school counseling internship in Norman. One of the joys is counseling students about accomplishing their dreams. I will say to them, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?" It is clear that they had never thought about it that way before. This saying is on the wall at one of my best friend's house, and I always find myself pondering this question to myself when I see it.
So what would I do if I knew I could not fail? What are my dreams?
I want to share my list with you. I figure it will continue to grow as years go by, so this is just a first stab, really. In no particular order:
* I want to effectively share God's love for them with everyone I could, especially with some of the people closest to me.
* With my husband, I want to take my children skiing.
* I want to begin a speaking ministry and talk about my life, my faith and my experiences with others.
* I want to write my autobiography.
* I want to tell each person how she or he has changed my life in some way and thank them for it, the good and the bad.
* I want to write Bible study books for small groups.
* I want to take my family to Disney World and the beach on one long spring vacation.
* I want to be able to afford to let my husband quit his day job and work full time doing what he loves the most.
* I want to resolve all conflicts that I have with family and friends, once and for all.
* I want to be able to afford my children to take part in any activity they wanted to that was good for them. (Traveling soccer, baseball lessons, piano or guitar lessons, singing lessons, etc.)
* I want to go to New York City, walk through Time Square, be on Good Morning America and see live Saturday Night Live.
* I want to go to California to see where Brad lived.
* I want to help Brad regain his pilot's license and eventually buy a small plane so we can travel around together when our kids grow up.
* I want to start something and then see it through that really makes a difference in the lives of people.
* I want to sing a serious song on stage with a mic. (I don't need to be up there alone ... I'd be happy to do the harmony.)
* I want to follow the OU football team to each of its games for a whole season.
* I want to teach my kids to be free to be silly and crazy and happy and for it to be a good thing.
* I want to be a wonderful aunt to lots of nieces and nephews.
* I want to be a great mom to adult sons and be friends with their wives.
* I want to see each of my son's baptized and follow the Lord.
* I want to spoil my grandchildren.
* I want to grow old with Brad and be the cute old couple who goes everywhere together.
* I want to go to Germany and spend a couple of weeks.
* I want to take in a child in need and provide for them.
* I want to love to cook for my family.
* I want to be as good of a friend to others as others have been to me.
* I want to conquer my phobia.
* I want to live anxiety free.
* I want to live debt free and financially stable enough that I can splurge occasionally and it doesn't throw off our whole budget.
* I want a house with a guest room so others will come and stay with me.
* I want to take care of my parents the way they have taken care of me.
* I want a master's degree.
* I want to be the best at whatever it is I decide I want to do with my life.
* I want to play indoor soccer again.
* I want to lose 20 pounds. And keep it off.
* I want to read the entire Bible.
* I want to have a regular, uninterrupted, unrushed, unsleepy quiet time with God every day.
* I want to drive to Illinois spontaneously to surprise my best friend.
* I want to have a therapy dog and take him or her places to help people.
* I want a really good family picture.
* I want to go to a beach somewhere for a week with just my husband.
* I want to take Will to a screen test.
* I want to watch Ryan play under the big lights on a field of some sort somewhere.
* Even more than have happiness, I want my kids to know the love of God and share it with others.
While they are on the road, they also look for a person in each town to help fulfill something on their list of things to do before they die. For one man, it was reuniting him with an adult son he hadn't seen since he was a baby. For one woman it was fly her to another state so she could visit her mother's grave. For one school it was to buy them computers.
I am fascinated by this show. The men are hysterical and uninhibited, which makes for good TV. But I think my real interest is in that they have set out to accomplish things on their "Bucket Lists."
This show has caused me to ponder my list of what I want to do before I die. Initially, I didn't think there was a lot on my list. I have led a very blessed life and been afforded many possibilities, many more than the average girl, it seems. I try not to live a life of regrets and follow my heart whenever possible and sometimes even when impractical.
I am currently in the middle of a wonderful school counseling internship in Norman. One of the joys is counseling students about accomplishing their dreams. I will say to them, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?" It is clear that they had never thought about it that way before. This saying is on the wall at one of my best friend's house, and I always find myself pondering this question to myself when I see it.
So what would I do if I knew I could not fail? What are my dreams?
I want to share my list with you. I figure it will continue to grow as years go by, so this is just a first stab, really. In no particular order:
* I want to effectively share God's love for them with everyone I could, especially with some of the people closest to me.
* With my husband, I want to take my children skiing.
* I want to begin a speaking ministry and talk about my life, my faith and my experiences with others.
* I want to write my autobiography.
* I want to tell each person how she or he has changed my life in some way and thank them for it, the good and the bad.
* I want to write Bible study books for small groups.
* I want to take my family to Disney World and the beach on one long spring vacation.
* I want to be able to afford to let my husband quit his day job and work full time doing what he loves the most.
* I want to resolve all conflicts that I have with family and friends, once and for all.
* I want to be able to afford my children to take part in any activity they wanted to that was good for them. (Traveling soccer, baseball lessons, piano or guitar lessons, singing lessons, etc.)
* I want to go to New York City, walk through Time Square, be on Good Morning America and see live Saturday Night Live.
* I want to go to California to see where Brad lived.
* I want to help Brad regain his pilot's license and eventually buy a small plane so we can travel around together when our kids grow up.
* I want to start something and then see it through that really makes a difference in the lives of people.
* I want to sing a serious song on stage with a mic. (I don't need to be up there alone ... I'd be happy to do the harmony.)
* I want to follow the OU football team to each of its games for a whole season.
* I want to teach my kids to be free to be silly and crazy and happy and for it to be a good thing.
* I want to be a wonderful aunt to lots of nieces and nephews.
* I want to be a great mom to adult sons and be friends with their wives.
* I want to see each of my son's baptized and follow the Lord.
* I want to spoil my grandchildren.
* I want to grow old with Brad and be the cute old couple who goes everywhere together.
* I want to go to Germany and spend a couple of weeks.
* I want to take in a child in need and provide for them.
* I want to love to cook for my family.
* I want to be as good of a friend to others as others have been to me.
* I want to conquer my phobia.
* I want to live anxiety free.
* I want to live debt free and financially stable enough that I can splurge occasionally and it doesn't throw off our whole budget.
* I want a house with a guest room so others will come and stay with me.
* I want to take care of my parents the way they have taken care of me.
* I want a master's degree.
* I want to be the best at whatever it is I decide I want to do with my life.
* I want to play indoor soccer again.
* I want to lose 20 pounds. And keep it off.
* I want to read the entire Bible.
* I want to have a regular, uninterrupted, unrushed, unsleepy quiet time with God every day.
* I want to drive to Illinois spontaneously to surprise my best friend.
* I want to have a therapy dog and take him or her places to help people.
* I want a really good family picture.
* I want to go to a beach somewhere for a week with just my husband.
* I want to take Will to a screen test.
* I want to watch Ryan play under the big lights on a field of some sort somewhere.
* Even more than have happiness, I want my kids to know the love of God and share it with others.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Christmas Purse
Christmas 2009 was unlike any other Christmas I have had. As usual, it was busy and I had a lot going on. As usual, it was important to me to buy gifts for the people I love to show them how much I love them.
What was unusual about this Christmas was our financial situation. Money has always been tight for our family. My husband works full time for the state and we rely almost entirely on his income. I teach one class at OU that brings home a few hundred dollars a month. But this year, we have had more expenses.
God has always come through for us just in the nick of time. Last Christmas, we were blessed to have some unexpected income from my grandparent's estate. The Christmas before, we charged Christmas. But this year, we were committed to following our plan of not going into debt.
We also found out in November that our furnace was going out. It is going to be a complicated replacement that involves getting a new hot water heater, too. We knew that this was going to cost us several thousand dollars that we don't have, which meant we would be going into debt. Money was tighter than ever.
The money we had saved for Christmas had been spent throughout the year and we weren't sure how Christmas was going to happen. So, even though I have been able to stay at home with my boys for the last 6 years, I knew I needed to get a part-time job.
I was extremely blessed to be hired at a local Christian store. The manager there worked around my schedule as much as possible, but I still ended up working between 20-30 hours per week. I started the weekend before Thanksgiving.
To make matters worse, the Monday before Thanksgiving, I went out for a run and came home with a broken foot. Luckily the awesome staff at my job allowed me to sit on a stool when I wasn't assisting a customer.
Besides my part-time job, keeping up with my family during a very busy time of year, finishing my semester in graduate school, and finishing the class I was teaching, my friends and I also were raising money for a local non profit agency through an online bake sale. I was responsible for a lot of that project, which kept me busy every waking moment.
The week before Christmas, I had an intense work schedule, our fund raiser was at its peak, my kids were missing me, my foot was sore and I was tired. I felt spread too thin. I felt like I had so much that I was doing that I wasn't doing any of it well. After a frustrating day at work, I was driving home in tears telling God that I couldn't possibly be serving Him well or even at all feeling this way. I was discouraged and unsure how I was going to keep up the pace. I was ready to walk away from all of my responsibilities. And as I told God all of this, He was silent. I felt frustrated, alone and far from God.
The next day at work was our busiest day yet. I didn't have many opportunities to rest my foot. But fortunately, God sent in several friends that encouraged me throughout the day. One friend that I had made in Bible study was checking out in my line and asked me why I was working. I told her that I needed to make extra money for Christmas so my family could have a nice Christmas. She knew that I had given up the Bible study that I had gone to for years to take this job.
As she was leaving, I admired her purse. I am a shoe and purse kind of girl, so I frequently admired my customers accessories. She thanked me but said it was kind of heavy, especially when she filled it up.
She left and I continued serving my customers. There was a line all day. I was surprised about an hour later when she walked back into the store. I thought she must have forgotten something she came in for the first time. I still had a line of customers I was helping so I didn't get to say hi to her.
As I was busy with my customers, I noticed her walking around the counter and setting down her purse at my feet. My first thought was that she wanted me to hold the heavy purse while she shopped, so I didn't say anything. But then I watched as she started to leave the store.
I shouted after her, "Wait! What are you doing?" And she looked back over her shoulder and waved as she scurried out the door and said, "God told me to!"
I was so moved. This friend didn't know my situation. She didn't even see my broken foot. She didn't know about my schedule or my stress and she certainly didn't know about the frustration and loneliness I had been feeling. But she listened to God when he told her to give me her purse. Her beautiful brown Italian leather and elaborately stitched purse. I couldn't have chosen a purse in a store that I loved more that this purse.
I fought back tears as I continued to wait on my customers. They must have thought I was a head case! But I didn't care. God had blessed me through this sweet, sweet friend who was obedient to His call.
Finally, my line died down after about 15 minutes, and I had the chance to look at the purse. I picked it up and imagined how she must have dumped the contents out in her car so she could bring it back for me.
And then I opened it up and saw a sealed white envelope sitting inside with the words, "Because He said so!" written in blue ink. My heart skipped a beat as I gently opened the seal to see a $100 bill inside.
The tears really started then. I was too overwhelmed to do much of anything. I waited on my customers through tears and big gulps so I could hold back the big cry of thankfulness that was about to explode from my heart.
Finally I was finished for the day and cried all the way home. This time the tears were tears of joy. God had answered my questions to Him with a purse and a $100 bill. He was reminding me that He was with me, taking care of me, providing for me in unthinkable ways and even blessing me for my obedience.
As I shared this story with my eight-year-old son, I was able to tell Him how God is ALWAYS with us. He is always watching out for us and providing for all of our needs, even when we feel frustrated and alone. He always hears our prayers and he uses all kinds of people to remind us that He is in control.
That purse and that gift mean so much more to me than just a purse or just some money. They are tangible evidence that my God loves me and is with me and is providing for me in every way. I am so grateful to my friend for her thoughtfulness and I know she, too, will be blessed for her obedience.
My Christmas purse was the best Christmas present I have ever been given.
What was unusual about this Christmas was our financial situation. Money has always been tight for our family. My husband works full time for the state and we rely almost entirely on his income. I teach one class at OU that brings home a few hundred dollars a month. But this year, we have had more expenses.
God has always come through for us just in the nick of time. Last Christmas, we were blessed to have some unexpected income from my grandparent's estate. The Christmas before, we charged Christmas. But this year, we were committed to following our plan of not going into debt.
We also found out in November that our furnace was going out. It is going to be a complicated replacement that involves getting a new hot water heater, too. We knew that this was going to cost us several thousand dollars that we don't have, which meant we would be going into debt. Money was tighter than ever.
The money we had saved for Christmas had been spent throughout the year and we weren't sure how Christmas was going to happen. So, even though I have been able to stay at home with my boys for the last 6 years, I knew I needed to get a part-time job.
I was extremely blessed to be hired at a local Christian store. The manager there worked around my schedule as much as possible, but I still ended up working between 20-30 hours per week. I started the weekend before Thanksgiving.
To make matters worse, the Monday before Thanksgiving, I went out for a run and came home with a broken foot. Luckily the awesome staff at my job allowed me to sit on a stool when I wasn't assisting a customer.
Besides my part-time job, keeping up with my family during a very busy time of year, finishing my semester in graduate school, and finishing the class I was teaching, my friends and I also were raising money for a local non profit agency through an online bake sale. I was responsible for a lot of that project, which kept me busy every waking moment.
The week before Christmas, I had an intense work schedule, our fund raiser was at its peak, my kids were missing me, my foot was sore and I was tired. I felt spread too thin. I felt like I had so much that I was doing that I wasn't doing any of it well. After a frustrating day at work, I was driving home in tears telling God that I couldn't possibly be serving Him well or even at all feeling this way. I was discouraged and unsure how I was going to keep up the pace. I was ready to walk away from all of my responsibilities. And as I told God all of this, He was silent. I felt frustrated, alone and far from God.
The next day at work was our busiest day yet. I didn't have many opportunities to rest my foot. But fortunately, God sent in several friends that encouraged me throughout the day. One friend that I had made in Bible study was checking out in my line and asked me why I was working. I told her that I needed to make extra money for Christmas so my family could have a nice Christmas. She knew that I had given up the Bible study that I had gone to for years to take this job.
As she was leaving, I admired her purse. I am a shoe and purse kind of girl, so I frequently admired my customers accessories. She thanked me but said it was kind of heavy, especially when she filled it up.
She left and I continued serving my customers. There was a line all day. I was surprised about an hour later when she walked back into the store. I thought she must have forgotten something she came in for the first time. I still had a line of customers I was helping so I didn't get to say hi to her.
As I was busy with my customers, I noticed her walking around the counter and setting down her purse at my feet. My first thought was that she wanted me to hold the heavy purse while she shopped, so I didn't say anything. But then I watched as she started to leave the store.
I shouted after her, "Wait! What are you doing?" And she looked back over her shoulder and waved as she scurried out the door and said, "God told me to!"
I was so moved. This friend didn't know my situation. She didn't even see my broken foot. She didn't know about my schedule or my stress and she certainly didn't know about the frustration and loneliness I had been feeling. But she listened to God when he told her to give me her purse. Her beautiful brown Italian leather and elaborately stitched purse. I couldn't have chosen a purse in a store that I loved more that this purse.
I fought back tears as I continued to wait on my customers. They must have thought I was a head case! But I didn't care. God had blessed me through this sweet, sweet friend who was obedient to His call.
Finally, my line died down after about 15 minutes, and I had the chance to look at the purse. I picked it up and imagined how she must have dumped the contents out in her car so she could bring it back for me.
And then I opened it up and saw a sealed white envelope sitting inside with the words, "Because He said so!" written in blue ink. My heart skipped a beat as I gently opened the seal to see a $100 bill inside.
The tears really started then. I was too overwhelmed to do much of anything. I waited on my customers through tears and big gulps so I could hold back the big cry of thankfulness that was about to explode from my heart.
Finally I was finished for the day and cried all the way home. This time the tears were tears of joy. God had answered my questions to Him with a purse and a $100 bill. He was reminding me that He was with me, taking care of me, providing for me in unthinkable ways and even blessing me for my obedience.
As I shared this story with my eight-year-old son, I was able to tell Him how God is ALWAYS with us. He is always watching out for us and providing for all of our needs, even when we feel frustrated and alone. He always hears our prayers and he uses all kinds of people to remind us that He is in control.
That purse and that gift mean so much more to me than just a purse or just some money. They are tangible evidence that my God loves me and is with me and is providing for me in every way. I am so grateful to my friend for her thoughtfulness and I know she, too, will be blessed for her obedience.
My Christmas purse was the best Christmas present I have ever been given.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
All Things Interesting (to me at least)
This has been a challenging month or so in my little bubble. Not challenging bad. Actually challenging in a way that is making me lean on God more, so it is good! But challenging none the less.
Academically, I have had lots of papers/presentations to do. I have one little one and one big one left, but I think it will be OK. (I did panic about one of them today, but I feel better after a little more planning.)
Professionally, my students have had lots of things for me to grade. But, everything is graded now! Woohoo! Also, I have started a part-time seasonal job at Mardel. It's a GREAT place to work; nice environment, super nice co-workers and managers, and products I really like. The trick for me has been just getting used to it. I haven't worked a "real job" in about 6 years. (This doesn't include my many teaching gigs.) I have never worked retail. So by the end of each day, my brain is super mushy. And my feet hurt, at least at first. But I enjoy what I am doing, so it is all good.
Philanthropically, my friends and I are in the middle of a fund raiser for United Way of Norman. You probably have seen our Confections for a Cause. It is an awesome fund raiser, but I am feeling the pressure. I know it will end well, it is just getting there that is scary. I desperately want to raise $2,000 and we are about $350 away from that goal.
Personally, the biggest factor in my life right now is that I broke my foot. I went on a tiny little run more than a week ago, and it resulted in a stress fracture in my left foot. I am embarrassed to say the least. Especially since I went running to lose weight, since I have gained the freshman 15 this semester. But apparently the 15 added too much stress to my foot. Wow. Nice. But, it is what it is. The great news is, my employers at Mardel have generously granted me the use of a stool to sit on as I run the cash register. I think this is a big deal for them. No one sits ever at Mardel. So I am very grateful.
I don't think there is any coincidence in the timing of my injury. I had worked exactly once at Mardel and two days later broke my foot. Seriously, the timing couldn't have been worse! But God has used it to show me the best in other people. The people at Mardel have shown me enormous grace, and I have gotten to know them better. My husband has been so helpful around the house, even going grocery shopping for me (his BY FAR LEAST favorite chore). My students have made the trek across a cold campus to get things for me out of my box.
I have been a little panicky, especially this morning. I was feeling overwhelmed and felt like something had to give. Would it be canceling class? No way. Would it be calling in sick? My sweet husband talked me off that ledge. Would it be missing class tonight? Too close to the end of the semester. Would it be my LONG-planned girl's trip to Dallas? Not a chance.
So I am leaning on my God and am letting Him carry the weight right now, how ever heavy it may be. He keeps reminding me that He is in control of every part of my life. He also has put this scripture in my mind over and over during the last several days:
Colossians 3:23-24, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
May I commit to this attitude and work for the Lord in all I do.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
It's Not About Us
You probably have read recently about the fund raiser my friends and I are doing to raise money for the United Way of Norman. It is called, "Confections for a Cause." We are baking treats and selling them. Every penny of what we collect will go straight to the United Way of Norman.
We have been sending e-mails and Facebook mails, we have been putting it as our status updates and we have even created a Facebook page. When I looked today, we actually have 69 fans!
Our Web site, created by the awesome Jackie Lindley, has reached far beyond the scope of people that we know in our community. We are getting orders from people in the metro area from all sorts of places and walks of life. They are going to www.confectionsforacause.com and ordering.
My first goal was to raise $500, which we did in about 36 hours. So we bumped our goal to $1,000, which we reached yesterday. We are increasing our goal now to $1,500, and I hope we have to increase it again!
We had one business (Creative Video Works) like our idea so much that they bought one of everything AND sent us a $50 donation to help cover our supplies. We are getting extremely positive feedback everywhere we turn, whether we know a person or not. People love this idea, a grass-roots effort to do something for our community.
The Norman Transcript wrote a front-page story about our fund raiser and today has followed with an editorial encouraging people to support the United Way through Confections for a Cause.
All in all, our little fund raiser is receiving lots of attention, and I am glad because more people will be able to give to the United Way through what we are doing.
But I want to remind everyone, this fund raiser is not about us. It is not even about the fund raiser. It is about helping people who really need help. People who have lost their jobs, people who have no home, people who don't know where their next meal is coming from.
This fund raiser is about people who, maybe for the first time in their lives, are being forced to ask for help from their own community. I know that asking for help is hard. Our family has been blessed up to this point to not need the help. But just like almost every family in Norman, we are one accident, one layoff, one serious illness, one paycheck away from needing help.
I will never forget the look on most people's faces when the Red Cross came to help them usually on the worst day of their lives. They usually had lost their home and everything in it to fire, flood or storm. Their thanks were always enough to keep me and the volunteers motivated to keep helping at all hours of the night, in all places rural or suburban.
So, my point in this post today is two-fold: to remind us all that this fund raiser is about the people who we are helping. And two, it is to act as a thank you to each of you who have given to the United Way, whether through our fund raiser or through another way. Thank you for helping. I know how tight money is for everyone right now. But your gift will make a difference in someone's life. And that someone might be someone you know or love. And someday, it might even be you.
It's not too late to give. It's not too late to help. It's not too late to change a life today.
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Matthew 22:36-39
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Freedom to be Thankful
I thought that in honor of Veteran's Day, I would list some of the freedoms I am thankful for. I would encourage you to add your own in the comment section. Here are just a few of the freedoms I am thankful for this Veteran's Day 2009.
The freedom to worship Christ my Lord without fear of persecution.
The freedom to have as many or as few children as I am able.
The freedom to write about things that are on my mind and the freedom of the press to report the truth.
The freedom to live in the town, city and state of my choosing, and the opportunity to buy a home of my choosing.
The freedom to choose whether to send my children to public or private schools, and the freedom in the public schools to receive a top-notch education without a political agenda being shoved down their throats.
The freedom to say the Pledge of Allegiance in that public school and the opportunity to include, "One Nation, Under God."
The freedom to choose what I want to do for a living and the opportunity to receive a higher education so I can follow my dreams.
The freedom to talk to my friends and family whenever I want because our technology is not limited by the government.
The freedom to have too many choices in just about every area of my life.
The freedom to worship Christ my Lord without fear of persecution.
The freedom to have as many or as few children as I am able.
The freedom to write about things that are on my mind and the freedom of the press to report the truth.
The freedom to live in the town, city and state of my choosing, and the opportunity to buy a home of my choosing.
The freedom to choose whether to send my children to public or private schools, and the freedom in the public schools to receive a top-notch education without a political agenda being shoved down their throats.
The freedom to say the Pledge of Allegiance in that public school and the opportunity to include, "One Nation, Under God."
The freedom to choose what I want to do for a living and the opportunity to receive a higher education so I can follow my dreams.
The freedom to talk to my friends and family whenever I want because our technology is not limited by the government.
The freedom to have too many choices in just about every area of my life.
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