It's Not About Us

You probably have read recently about the fund raiser my friends and I are doing to raise money for the United Way of Norman. It is called, "Confections for a Cause." We are baking treats and selling them. Every penny of what we collect will go straight to the United Way of Norman.

We have been sending e-mails and Facebook mails, we have been putting it as our status updates and we have even created a Facebook page. When I looked today, we actually have 69 fans!

Our Web site, created by the awesome Jackie Lindley, has reached far beyond the scope of people that we know in our community. We are getting orders from people in the metro area from all sorts of places and walks of life. They are going to www.confectionsforacause.com and ordering.

My first goal was to raise $500, which we did in about 36 hours. So we bumped our goal to $1,000, which we reached yesterday. We are increasing our goal now to $1,500, and I hope we have to increase it again!

We had one business (Creative Video Works) like our idea so much that they bought one of everything AND sent us a $50 donation to help cover our supplies. We are getting extremely positive feedback everywhere we turn, whether we know a person or not. People love this idea, a grass-roots effort to do something for our community.

The Norman Transcript wrote a front-page story about our fund raiser and today has followed with an editorial encouraging people to support the United Way through Confections for a Cause.

All in all, our little fund raiser is receiving lots of attention, and I am glad because more people will be able to give to the United Way through what we are doing.

But I want to remind everyone, this fund raiser is not about us. It is not even about the fund raiser. It is about helping people who really need help. People who have lost their jobs, people who have no home, people who don't know where their next meal is coming from.

This fund raiser is about people who, maybe for the first time in their lives, are being forced to ask for help from their own community. I know that asking for help is hard. Our family has been blessed up to this point to not need the help. But just like almost every family in Norman, we are one accident, one layoff, one serious illness, one paycheck away from needing help.

I will never forget the look on most people's faces when the Red Cross came to help them usually on the worst day of their lives. They usually had lost their home and everything in it to fire, flood or storm. Their thanks were always enough to keep me and the volunteers motivated to keep helping at all hours of the night, in all places rural or suburban.

So, my point in this post today is two-fold: to remind us all that this fund raiser is about the people who we are helping. And two, it is to act as a thank you to each of you who have given to the United Way, whether through our fund raiser or through another way. Thank you for helping. I know how tight money is for everyone right now. But your gift will make a difference in someone's life. And that someone might be someone you know or love. And someday, it might even be you.

It's not too late to give. It's not too late to help. It's not too late to change a life today.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Matthew 22:36-39

Freedom to be Thankful

I thought that in honor of Veteran's Day, I would list some of the freedoms I am thankful for. I would encourage you to add your own in the comment section. Here are just a few of the freedoms I am thankful for this Veteran's Day 2009.

The freedom to worship Christ my Lord without fear of persecution.

The freedom to have as many or as few children as I am able.

The freedom to write about things that are on my mind and the freedom of the press to report the truth.

The freedom to live in the town, city and state of my choosing, and the opportunity to buy a home of my choosing.

The freedom to choose whether to send my children to public or private schools, and the freedom in the public schools to receive a top-notch education without a political agenda being shoved down their throats.

The freedom to say the Pledge of Allegiance in that public school and the opportunity to include, "One Nation, Under God."

The freedom to choose what I want to do for a living and the opportunity to receive a higher education so I can follow my dreams.

The freedom to talk to my friends and family whenever I want because our technology is not limited by the government.

The freedom to have too many choices in just about every area of my life.

Please Don't Let Chivalry Be Dead

So I was reading this column on the CNN Web site today titled, "Chivalrous Moves That Creep Us Out." Before reading the column, I wondered what they could be. Maybe pre-chewing someone else's gum? Calling 50 times a day? I couldn't imagine what they might be that would warrant an article.

I have to say that I am very disappointed about the eight so-called creepy items on the list. And I say this because, I am praying that chivalry is not dead. In fact, as a mother of two young boys, I have been doing my best to teach my children to practice chivalry and politeness all the time.

By teaching my sons how to open doors for people, let ladies go first, by serving others and helping clear the table, etc., I am hoping to ingrain in them a sense of chivalry so that they will become polite, responsible gentlemen who will treat women with respect.

On my first unofficial date with my husband back in the 90s, while I was bagging on his early 80s model Datsun B210, he was politely opening the door for me to step inside. He probably won me over in that very moment. He treated me with respect, even as I was disrespecting his ride. What a nice guy.

Part of the argument that this column writer suggested was that a woman should be empowered. I would never argue that matter. But there is a huge difference between removing a woman's power and respecting who she is.

So here is the list of chivalrous things that creep out this column writer and why I don't think they are creepy.

1. Ordering my meal for me. This has always struck me as bizarro, because chances are you don't know what I want. The only time this is cool is if I have no idea how to pronounce something and you do.

What is so wrong with a man ordering for a woman? I might take issue if he didn't ask what I wanted first, but I think he is saving us a step by asking us (since most people have the conversation of, "So, what are you going to order?" before actually ordering). Also, if the man is paying, then it is a way of proving his willingness to buy your dinner. My husband has done this for me before, but we usually don't do this now. However, I almost always order for our family when we are at a drive in since it is just more simple that way. I don't think my husband finds it offensive at all. In fact, I think he would say he appreciates not having to do it.


2. Letting me win at a game of Scrabble/pool/bowling when you are clearly better. No fun! Please give it your best shot. I want the satisfaction of really beating you.

As a highly competitive person, I will say this is the only one that I might agree with. But, letting a woman win isn't what I would consider creepy. I think something more chivalrous might be is if you see that the woman is terrible at whatever it is you are doing, suggest you might do something else. Or show her how to do it, if she asks.

3. Using a code term for going to the bathroom. Especially retro words like "tinkle." You can just say, "I'll be back in a minute." I'll get it.

Does this have anything to do with chivalry? And I do think it is just polite to excuse yourself from a date or dinner or even a conversation if nature calls. Who does this? I have never heard a guy say he is going "tinkle" unless he might be 3 years old.

4. Pulling out my chair. Someone told me this tradition started when women wore loads of crinolines and, thus, scooting in your chair was difficult. That's no longer the case. It just makes me nervous that you won't push it in at the right moment and I'll land on the ground with a thud.

This one I have a beef with. There is nothing creepy about pulling out a chair for a woman. It is respectful. It also allows the woman to be seated first. It is a sign that a man is respecting and helping the woman however he can. Of course a woman can do this herself! No one would argue that. But the respectful thing to do is at least offer to help her be seated. My husband will still do this occasionally, especially if we are on a date, and I appreciate it every time.

5. Carrying my purse. Yeah, it's heavy, but I'm pretty used to it at this point. You carrying it just looks funny. I have enough of a hard time with murses.

Well, while I wouldn't consider a man carrying my purse creepy, I would consider it odd that a woman would ask a man to do this. Unless there is a very good reason (and I can't think of one at the moment) men should have to do this. However, it is nice for a man to carry other things for a woman. Grocery bags, heavy items, books, lawn chairs, ice chests, etc. all would fit into this category. And although I know we can do it ourselves, why would you turn down this help?

6. Asking my dad for my hand in marriage. So outdated. Pops just shouldn't be involved in our relationship. No one should know you want to marry them before they do.

This is the one I have the hardest time with. Why shouldn't your dad be involved in this relationship? While I know it is the right thing to do to leave your parents and cleave to your husband, I think it is a great show of respect for a woman's parents and family when a man asks permission to marry her. Anymore, when someone gets married, they are marrying much more than a person, but an entire family. If the relationship is healthy and appropriate, I would think that a father would love to have the opportunity to provide his blessing on a marriage of his daughter. I know there are obvious exceptions to this, including remarriage, the age of the people marrying and even strained relationships. But if a relationship with the soon-to-be in-laws is a good one, why not show this respect? I love the fact that my husband asked permission from my father. And he did it without me knowing it so the proposal would be a surprise. It made it all the more special to know that he cared enough to talk to my parents beforehand.

7. If you're paying for dinner, not letting me put in for tip. Or get a round of drinks after. If I offer, it's because I want to. I swear.

Well, back in my day, no one offered to pay the tip or the round of drinks. But I can't be opposed to the offer. Politely declining is one thing but being offended by a woman's offer is inappropriate. But is this creepy? I don't think so ...

8. Helping me put me coat on. This is sweet, but it's always awkward because my hand misses the sleeve or gets stuck somewhere in there. It's easier to just do it on my own.

Why in the world is this creepy? I love to have people help me put on a coat. It does not show a sign of inferiority. I know I can put on my coat. But offering to help someone out in an awkward situation should not be considered creepy. It is respectful and helpful, just as it would be if I offered to help a man out with his coat, especially if he was stuck. Let's face it, depending on how many layers a person is wearing, putting on a coat can be as tough as raking the leaves on a windy day.

So there are my thoughts. I am excited to read yours. Please post comments on this one ...

It's Tough Being A Kid

My 5-year-old son, Will, is quite a character. This kid has made a lot of memorable stories for us to embarrass him with someday. (Like when he spray painted yellow many parts of our backyard.)

Yesterday, though, when I was driving him to school, he said something sort of profound, especially for a five year old. To my knowledge, what he said came out of the blue. He had been quiet a couple of minutes, then came up with this:

Will: (heavy sigh) You know, Mom, it's tough being a kid.

Me: (Smiling were he couldn't see me) Oh really Will? Why is that?

Will: Cause kids make millions of mistakes.

Me: That is true, Will. They do. But it's ok.

Will: I know.

So I giggled and called a couple of people to report "the cute thing my kid just said." But then I really started thinking about it. Will was on to something here.

Kids really do make millions of mistakes. And for each one (or at least most of them) there is an adult somewhere correcting them. Or they are learning the lesson the hard way. (Like this summer when Will drank out of a cup that had been sitting outside a few days. Gross results ensued.)

The mistakes start from birth with sleep schedules. Babies often make the mistake of sleeping during the day and keeping mom and dad up all night. Until someone teaches them when they are supposed to sleep. As they grow, they learn what things they can put in their mouths and what things they shouldn't. (Like quarters. Those shouldn't go in your mouth because you can swallow them, which makes for an ER visit, more grossness, before a treasure is found a week later. Ask Will about this, too.)

They learn what words are ok to say, and what words they should say when they want something. They learn it's not ok to hit or say mean things. There is a pretty huge learning curve.

So my deep thought of the morning is this: at what point does the correction pretty much stop? When is it that adults stop correcting you? Is it different for everyone? And I know some adults still find themselves being corrected by a boss or by parents or by a spouse, etc. But for all intents and purposes, the correction has stopped and we are left to sort of figure it all out by ourselves.

And the result? Badly behaved adults. Not across the board, of course, but you know who I am talking about. The adult who says hateful things about you behind your back and then is passive aggressive to your face. The adult who yells at his/her kid at a sporting event because their kid drops a pass or doesn't make a play. The adult who doesn't recognize that the planet doesn't revolve around him/her (especially in the pick-up line at my son's elementary school). The adult who uses the family bathroom when there is no apparent reason to do so (for you Jen).

Why is it that no one is willing to correct adults? My theory is because it starts a fight. I think it is because now that we are adults, we assume we know it all. Clearly we don't. Allow yourself to be corrected. Because even as "adults" we still make "millions of mistakes."

Random Thoughts

I feel like writing this morning but I am not especially inspired by any one topic. So here are my random thoughts in no particular order.

* I got to sleep WAY in this morning. and I when I say that I mean that it is about 10:15 a.m. now and I have been up for 20 minutes. On the cool rainy Sunday morning (when I know I should be going to church) there was nothing more relaxing than lying there and listening to the rain.

* Speaking of rain, my son is supposed to play his flag football game today. I checked the Optimist Web site and they are saying the games are on. Hmmm. Maybe the sleeping in will be counter balanced by getting soaking wet at his game. I wouldn't miss it, though!

* When I got up a few minutes ago, I discovered my boys sitting side by side on the couch playing at WWII flying game on the Wii. They are saying things like, "Alert, alert! Incoming! Enemy approaching!" They are enthralled in this air combat game and working together as a team. I am strangely proud.

* I have little to say about last night's football game other than this: I think we are cursed. Three of our best players fall one by one. It is like a serial killer mystery or something. So the big question in my mind is, who is knocking off our players? The only logical thought is Texas, who really doesn't want to put an asterisk by their Big 12 championship painted in their locker room this year. I am NOT saying we are destined to lose to Texas. We can beat them any time we play them and vice versa. I am saying that they have motive. I think we should call the FBI.

* I have obviously been watching too many episodes of my new favorite late night show "Criminal Minds" as seen in the item posted above.

* I was absolutely giddy when watching the return of "Medium" to primetime television. I think this may be the first time in the last decade I have watched something on CBS. The girl who plays the oldest daughter is just really talented.

* Some of my closest friends went camping this weekend in the Wichitas. They invited me but I don't camp. I was sad they were going t0 be having fun without me until I remembered I don't think there is anything fun about camping. No temperature control, no indoor plumbing, no beds, bugs, wild animals, bad sleep, lack of refrigeration.... yeah, not my thing at all. I love them though. And I love that my boys will be able to decide for themselves if they love camping (thanks Jason and Leslie!).

* Last night I was dreaming about my Best Dog Ever Casey, who will be 11 in February. I was dreaming that he was sick and was needing to be put down. I was absolutely hysterical in my dream and actually woke up in the middle of the night panicked and crying. I love this dog so much. I can't imagine life without him. Live long and prosper, Casey!

* My academic goal today is to make a list of deadlines for the rest of the semester and to get ahead. The first half feels over at this point and now I can focus on my other papers and presentations. I am really loving school. Go figure.

* My final thought for the day is on swine flu. There are 20 kids in Will's pre-k class and six of them have missed several days because they were so sick with presumably the swine flu. I know several people who have it or who had it. I am praying for health protection and washing my hands until they are nubby. Die swine flu, die!!!!!!!!

I hope you have a great Sunday!

I've Got Problems ... or At Least an Opinion

Most people who know me know that I tend to get on my soap box once in a while. Well, maybe more than once in a while. Here are a few things that have previously inspired me to get all soap boxy:

* James Garner - who didn't ever graduate from high school because he was a trouble-maker while in school - getting a whole freaking corridor named after him in Norman. I have nothing against the guy personally, but I would like to see things like a corridor named after people who have contributed to our community. Maybe people who have done something besides be an excellent actor (which he is, especially after seeing him in The Notebook ... cried my eyes out...).

* That people said the Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin's death via fish was a "freak accident." Anyone who routinely and purposefully puts themselves in harms way that often has got it coming. I mean seriously. Even if it were unusual, how unusual was it really for someone who wrestled crocodiles. (I also find it fitting that the ship in Whale Wars is called the Steve Irwin... you really want to name your ship after someone who died in the water? Isn't that kind like naming your boat the Titanic?)

* That people are so super rude when dropping off and picking up their kids at schools and don't follow the simple rules.

* Cheaters. Can't stand cheaters of any kind.

* Passive aggressiveness. In general.

There are other things that really irk me. However, I normally find myself to be amicable. Are you laughing at me yet?

I have always found myself to be someone who really hates confrontation. But lately, I have found myself the lone voice in a crazy world. Well maybe not the lone voice, but the minority for sure. And what IS crazy is that I have been embracing the confrontations head on.

In this really great weekend class I had a couple of weeks ago called "Psychosocial Aspects of Disability" we talked about lots of hot-button topics, such as assisted suicide, human genome project, abortion, Eugenics, etc. What happened in that class surprised me - sort of. I have been warned by some fellow Christ followers that my opinions on such topics would be in the minority. But I guess it surprised me how in the minority I was, and that I still spoke my beliefs.

I am sure that everyone in the class thought I was close minded for thinking that life begins at conception, and that we, as helping professionals, have a responsibility to help sustain life instead of assisting in its demise (generally speaking of course). But when I was talking, I didn't care. I know they thought I was irrational and weak minded, but the thing was is that I knew better. I have the Truth of God's Word on my side.

Ten years ago, even though I was a new Christian, I would have no more voiced my different opinion on topics like that than I would have worn orange on an OU game day. But something really cool has happened to me since then. I have grown more confident, not in myself, but in my identity in Christ. It is such a freeing feeling to know that all I have to cling to is the truth and no matter what anyone says or does, the Word of God is true.

I am beginning a study on the Gospel of Jesus Christ as written in John. This Gospel has been referred to as the spirit filled Gospel. And what that says to me is that it is truth. I am who Christ made me to be. I can stand firm in that knowledge. And I can speak my mind, even if that means people will disagree with it.

An Outside-of-Your-Body Experience

This blog won't be as kooky as it sounds. Go with me here ...

I have a friend who is pregnant and will have her first born baby in March. I was asking her to pray for me about some parenting issues, and she mentioned that the parenting thing was going to be difficult and keep her on her knees in prayer.

That is oh so true, isn't it moms and dads?

From the time your baby first makes his presence known in your womb, the worries begin. And for some of us, the worries begin before that baby ever gets there. But when you find out for sure you are pregnant, oh, mercy. Am I eating right? Was that thing I did to hard on the baby? Should I blast classical music into my womb? And a million more worries.

And then, when that baby gets here, you realize that in your whole life, you have never worried like this before. I mean, it's the first time that you ARE IT. YOU are responsible for that baby. There is no one to fall back on, except maybe the spouse. You are lucky to have friend and family support, but you are the mom or the dad, and you will always be.

You hear every sniff, cough, whimper, nestle, nudge and cry those first nights. It is enough to drive a sane well-rested person crazy. But when you are already so worried AND sleep deprived, well, May the Force Be With You. Or in my case, may My Lord Be With Me.

And you think you couldn't worry more, and then you drop off your child with someone other than you for the first time. And then you leave! How will your baby survive without you? The mystery continues, but babies do!

Here I am with a 5 year old and a 7 year old, and the worries haven't stopped, they are just new. You start to see your kiddos worry or be too hard on themselves, or you see them starting to slide down the wrong path or hang out with the wrong crowd. And now, you are sending them to school 5 days a week without you. And you have no control over their environment. It is terrifying.

The only thing that brings me comfort at this point is God. I know He is in control of my little bubble. But more than that, He is in control of my boys' little bubbles. The best I can do is make good decisions for them when I can, teach them to make good decisions for themselves, teach them about God's control and His love for them, and the pray. They have to grow up ... don't they?

I have a friend who is probably right now seeing her 19-year-old son for the first time in months. He went to Army boot camp in Georgia. When I talked to her last night, she was absolutely giddy knowing she would see him so soon. She has been absolutely tormented with not hearing from him and worrying about him.

So what this tells me is the worries don't stop, they just change. And I am ok with that. When I signed up to be a parent, a dear friend told me the best way she could describe parenthood was like wearing your heart on the outside of your body.

She was right.